Hannah Grace

Dear Bradley, 

            Truth is, i’ve never in my life ever been so comfortable with a man. When i first saw you, somehow i knew that i had to talk to you. Somewhere inside of me i felt the need to see if you would comfort me.Going through what i did four years ago. I thought i would never be able to be with a guy or even near a guy ever again. Every time i was left alone with a male, My whole body would start to tremble i would get sweaty palms my legs would shake uncontrollably. Just the touch of a male would scare me to death. The pain of keeping everything that has happened to me four years ago inside. I thought i would never be able to tell a soul. i blamed myself for four years thats 1,460 days… of pure pain and torture of having male’s all around me. i confess i dated a girl because i couldn’t cope with males. they scared the living SHIT out of me. That moment when i was eleven years old that one summer. It was a normal hot summers day cook out. My family was heading out to my aunts house for the day. i had never thought that family trip would change my life forever. We had a normal cook out as usual and shortly after the cook out my mother decided its time we should go. my brother me and my family friend reva and my cousin chris were all having a blast playing man hunt and we didn’t want to go home. so my mother and my aunt came to a conclusion that all four of us kids would just stay the night and all have a camp out in the camper on the front side of the lawn. I was so excited to stay and play man hunt all night. Oh i dont know maybe around midnight we all decided to go into the camper and play truth or dare. well i had a dare and it was to stand outside the camper door in the pitch black for ten or so minutes so i did… i was scared to death of the dark so those ten minutes felt like hours. after those ten minutes they let me back into the camper. it was a couple rounds or so and then it was my cousins turn he had dared my brother to cuddle with reva… he was dared to cuddle and sleep in the same bed as reva in the camper later that night. well shortly after that the game ended and i was exausted so i climbed into the bottom bunk of the bunk beds in the camper and started to fall asleep when my cousin climbed into the bottom bunk with me. i started to think oh this is a tad weird. but i was young so i didnt really know any better. so i started to fall asleep when my cousins arm was placed around me… thats when i started to feel very uncomfortable. he placed one hand over my mouth and whispered in my ear.” youll like this. but be quiet.” i stayed quieter then a mouse as he slid his other hand slowly down my pajama pants. i was so scared i didnt know what to do. so i just layed there flat as a rock and as silent as one too. after a few minutes of his hand down my pants i felt pressure from his fingers and then i felt a liquid going down my leg… it was dark so i couldnt see..But now i have learned he popped my cherry. something i can NEVER get back… he had taken his hands out of my pants and whispered…. you liked that didnt you… i stayed quiet… then he whispered again… be quiet and go to sleep…. he had gotten up to go outside for something and thats when i climbed up into the top bunk hoping he would just leave me alone. but sure enough a few minutes later he came back in the camper and pulled me offen the top bunk and placed me in the lower bunk. i started to shake in fear… he had pulled the covers over me again and stuck his hand back down my pants again… after a few minutes of what felt like 249385 years he stopped and i just layed there and after a long time i passed out… i was young and had no idea of what just happened to me… i was scared of getting yelled at by my parents and my family so i never told a soul. for years i felt like this was all my fault… and that i should’ve yelled no… sometimes i still cry to myself just thinking about that memory… Bradley… i am telling you all of this because for years after that i was deathly afraid of males in general i would shake and tremble and everything else when i was even left alone with a male for a second but there was just something different about you that makes me trust you soo much. i love you with all my heart and i am so comfortable with you.. and i know youd never hurt me like that. i wanna spend the rest of my life with you because you know all of my deepest secrets and you dont judge me for them.. you know everything .. my flaws my fears everything and i love you so damn much because you just understand me… and i am being 110% honest when i say … i want to spend THE REST OF MY LIFE with YOU …. Bradley Gerard Hodges… Please stay with me for the rest of our lives together?…

I love you bradley gerard hodges. 

Love Hannah